Hamish McShanks

Slow but steady wins the race, or so they say

This is the ethos I am following for this weeks diary. It'll be worth the wait though .... what's that? .... two weeks since the last one? Really? Noooooooo

How time flies when your having fun .......

Ahem

Sorry about the particularly dreadful service of late, I'm burning the candle at both ends just now. I've also started in the middle and I'm blow torching the bits inbetween for good measure.

Not only have I bitten off more than I can chew, I've bitten off more than I can bite. In fact my jaw is locked open and a crew of fireman are currently inside trying to work out how to get it closed again. It's such a big task they have called for another unit and they setting up a command post under my tongue.

I think I'm going to have to cut back on my exercise regime, twice a day, five days a week is taking it's toll. It's also playing havoc with my sleeping patterzzzzzzzz ......... whassat? mmmm? s ... and I fear I am starting to hallucinate. Only this afternoon I saw a squadron of flying beetroot kidnapping the tooth fairy

Which is ridiculous - beetroot cant fly!

Anyway I can only prostrate myself at your feet and beg for your forgiveness. Although having said that I'm not 'actually' going to do that cos the ground is quite muddy and begging is just so undignified.

Let's settle for 'I'll sit nearby, somewhere dry and comfy, and tell fibs about why my diary is so late'

So are we ready?

'A bigger boy stole it and ran away'

'The dog ate it'

'Indians surrounded us and we had to corral the wagons to protect ourselves'

'Aliens abducted me and probed me'

I've always thought that was a particularly weak excuse that one. I mean these vastly intelligent creatures can build a spaceship to travel through space faster than light, they have the technology to traverse the galaxy and must have seen countless planets and species on the way. Yet they need to get a stick out to look up my backside and see what the smell is? I think not

It's shite boys!

Just like this excuse - Sorry folks as my school report cards always said 'could try harder'

And I promise I will

Doei