Hamish McShanks

Hello Folks

Apologies fer the keech service. I did warn ye it might be even worse than usual!

This weeks 'diary' is actually a copy of a letter I sent to the RAC. I doubt it will have much effect but I did find it rather theraputic to write .....

Kind Regards

Ham

No 1 The Shanks

Stirling

RAC Customer Care

RAC House
PO Box 200
Walsall
WS5 4QZ

16^th April 2007

Dear Sirs,

I am a RAC Solution 4 member and I am writing to complain about the service I received at a recent breakdown.

My car broke down with clutch failure whilst I was heading North to Aberdeen from Stirling. I broke down on the A94 just outside Scone. I immediately called the breakdown assistance line and was advised I would have around a 90-minute wait for a patrolman. I did not have a problem with this timescale as I was in a rural location, I was a male travelling alone, and it was a Friday night; which is probably one of your busiest times.

However when your representative did finally arrive I was less than impressed by the service I received. He ambled out of his cab, pointed a chubby finger at my vehicle and asked brusquely ‘what’s wrong with it?’ When I mentioned I thought the clutch cable had snapped he threw up his hands and exclaimed theatrically ‘oh well that’s a relay, no way I can fix that at the side of the road’; Please note this was before he had even examined the vehicle.

When I pressed him on why it couldn’t be fixed he then asked me if the clutch cable was broken or if it had just come off? Not being a mechanic myself, unsurprisingly I replied that I didn’t know. The thought did cross my mind at the time that if I was a mechanic I probably wouldn’t have waited for over an hour at the side of the road as my extremities froze distressingly solid and my teeth chattered themselves out onto the tarmac. I’d imagine I would have probably fixed it myself.

After rummaging in his toolbox for a torch and a cerebrum he did eventually have a look at my vehicle and confirmed that the cable was intact but a component it attaches to had sheared. As a fellow mechanic I agreed that, in the circumstances, the breakdown was indeed beyond the remit of a roadside fix. His next suggestion was that I drove the car back, as it was, to Stirling. I believe the exact phrase was ‘If I was you, I’d just drive it back like that’ Possibly the sight of my jaw hitting the ground indicated to him that I was less than enthusiastic about this proposition. I have driven a car without a clutch before, but only a few miles, and certainly not through a town. Apart from potentially damaging the gearbox, it’s probably illegal.

After indicating that I wasn’t prepared to drive all the way through Perth town centre, then another 35 miles down the motorway, and then all the way through Stirling town centre without the use of a clutch. Nor, I added quickly was I going to drive to Aberdeen. He reluctantly agreed that perhaps a ‘relay’ was a better option. This wasn’t a problem though, after all I’ve got a solution 4 membership; I can be relayed anywhere in the UK.

We adjourned to the nice warm cab of his vehicle where your man asked where I wanted to go. I explained I would call my mechanic in Stirling and see if he could fix it for me the next day. If he could, then I’d like to go back to Stirling, if not I would prefer to be relayed to Aberdeen as my brother, who is also a mechanic, could arrange for it to be fixed there.

Whilst speaking on the phone to my friend in Stirling your patrolman went ahead and arranged a relay to Stirling; Before I had confirmed where I wanted to go. Perhaps I was slurring my speech or becoming forgetful through my exposure to the cold. A quick check in the mirror did not reveal any cyanosis of my lips or dilation of my pupils; Glancing down my fingers seemed a reasonable pink colour so I ruled out hypothermia. It would appear he just didn’t listen.

When I informed him that Aberdeen was my preferred destination he immediately replied ‘oh that’ll have to be a contractor then, I’m finished at nine, I couldn’t even get you to Forfar’ He then proceeded to phone another number and soon a crackly voice was on the speakerphone. A short discourse took place between the two using abbreviations and terms that meant nothing to me before he pointed at the phone and grunted ‘tell him where you want to go’ I replied several times, my voice rising in volume at each subsequent attempt to be heard, but as the mic was pointed towards the drivers seat it was understandably futile. Eventually after bursting a couple of blood vessels in my forehead with the effort of trying to scream my destination your ever helpful company representative picked the phone out of the cradle and thrust it at me.

I passed on my details to the gentleman at the other end of the line and returned the handset back to the patrolman who said a few more words before hanging up. He then proceeded to get out a small PDA and type away for a few moments before handing it over to me along with a silver stylus ‘just sign here pal’ There was a grey box with space for an electronic signature. I obliged and returned the gadget to him.

Then I must have been engulfed by some sort of temporal vortex or a rent in the space time continuum? Because it would appear I became invisible for the next few minutes as your man proceeded to copy entries from his electronic worklist into a paper diary, mumbling breakdown numbers and descriptions as he peered over the top of his glasses. Eventually I felt compelled to enquire what was happening ‘A contractor will take you to Aberdeen’ he replied ‘When?’, ‘He’ll be along soon’ came the reply.

As this seemed to be the end of the road for our beautiful friendship I bade my farewells, donned my hat and gloves, and exited the warm interior of his vehicle for the chilly outdoors; With a billow of diesel smoke he was gone. It was just me, my stricken car and the noise of hundreds of crows disturbed in their roost.

As my car was still sitting exactly where had broken down; on a nasty bit of road with a lot of fast moving vehicles tearing past. I decided to take one piece of his advice and started the car up in gear and drove it on to the pavement so it was at least off the road. There I waited for my relay ….. and I waited …. and I waited. When twenty minutes had elapsed I decided to call your helpline. It was at this point that I was advised that the contractors estimated time of arrival was one hour. But every cloud has a silver lining; it was an hour from the original call. So I only had forty more minutes to wait in the dark. No wonder your man did his Billy Whizz act without mentioning a word about that. Maybe he was worried about his coco getting cold?

It was as I sat fuming in my car that I realised what the final fly on the turd was. When your patrolman handed me the gadget for ‘signature’ in the van; HE had already filled out all the answers for the customer satisfaction survey! You know; the ones about response time, friendliness of the patrolman, time waited etc I didn’t twig at the time as I was understandably concerned about how I was going to get my car fixed and how I was going to get to Aberdeen. Your man obviously didn’t know that I’d had call to use your company three times this year already and would eventually guess what he had done.

So I would just like to state for the record; Whatever the answers were in that survey, they were not mine! You can probably work out from the tone of this letter what my answers would have been. Lets just say you don’t come out of this smelling of roses. Shame really because the other three callouts I’ve had since I was a member were dealt with superbly by competent, polite and professional individuals for whom I have nothing but praise. However you’re only as good as your last job.

I don’t know, maybe I’m being harsh. Let’s look at the facts; phoned at 18:45hrs, first contact 20:10hrs, relay arrived at 21:30hrs, that’s under three hours all in. It was Friday the 13^th after all. Perhaps there is something in this superstitious hocus pocus. I certainly had my nightmare on Elm Street, although in my case it was ‘Nightmare on the A94’ which isn’t as catchy and hopefully wont be a trilogy.

To your credit I did eventually reach my destination, albeit nearly six hours after I left Stirling. The contractor who eventually picked me up was excellent and arrived exactly when predicted. He was very polite, efficient and professional. He even offered to have a quick look at the car when he dropped me at my final destination.

So really other than the complete disinterest in any customer care from the original patrolman, the poor communication throughout and the fraudulent filing of the customer satisfaction survey it was a good job all round. My membership is up for renewal in July. Don’t hold your breath for a cheque.

Kindest Regards

Ham Shanks