Monday, March 26, 2007
Ham Shanks Flimsy Excuses
Mr Shanks would like to apologise for the lateness of this weeks diary.
Due to technical difficulties outwith his control Ham has been unable to complete his diary in the allotted timescale. The board finds this unacceptable.
Readers may rest assured that the directors of HS Plc will be treating this matter very seriously indeed. As we speak a meeting request has been sent out to all the stakeholders involved and they will be meeting, sometime in the next quarter, to thrash out a proposed agenda for considering the possibility of instigating some form of disciplinary luncheon.
Assuming positive response to the concept in question, further bread rolls will be distributed in an effort to collate all relevant soup course options. In the unlikely event that Mr Shanks is found to be in breach of his main course then he will be roasted over hot coals, with a sprinkling of garlic and thyme.
Any suggestion that these disciplinary proceedings are some kind of flagrant abuse of company resources, or a jolly for fat cat executives, will be met with the full force of extra mature Stilton and robustly defended until the decanting of the late bottled vintage port has been completed.
We trust this public display of our gluttonous levity will restore confidence in the Ham Shanks brand and we look forward to slipping upstairs with our young 'niece's' to show them our fine collection of etchings....
Yours with simple and shallow contempt
The Board
Due to technical difficulties outwith his control Ham has been unable to complete his diary in the allotted timescale. The board finds this unacceptable.
Readers may rest assured that the directors of HS Plc will be treating this matter very seriously indeed. As we speak a meeting request has been sent out to all the stakeholders involved and they will be meeting, sometime in the next quarter, to thrash out a proposed agenda for considering the possibility of instigating some form of disciplinary luncheon.
Assuming positive response to the concept in question, further bread rolls will be distributed in an effort to collate all relevant soup course options. In the unlikely event that Mr Shanks is found to be in breach of his main course then he will be roasted over hot coals, with a sprinkling of garlic and thyme.
Any suggestion that these disciplinary proceedings are some kind of flagrant abuse of company resources, or a jolly for fat cat executives, will be met with the full force of extra mature Stilton and robustly defended until the decanting of the late bottled vintage port has been completed.
We trust this public display of our gluttonous levity will restore confidence in the Ham Shanks brand and we look forward to slipping upstairs with our young 'niece's' to show them our fine collection of etchings....
Yours with simple and shallow contempt
The Board
